The 10 Commandments of Online Dating

I. THOU SHALT NOT WINK AT HER

 Winking at a prospective match, or adding her to your “favorites” list, is a sweet gesture in theory—it’s supposed to indicate that you think the girl is cute or interesting. But it’s also lazy as hell and puts the burden on the woman to actually initiate contact. So do this instead: Send a message. Start with a friendly or humorous opening. Comment on one or several things she mentioned in her profile. Ask her a question about one of them, to give her extra incentive to write back. Include some information about yourself. And sign off kindly, ideally with your real first name.

 

II. THOU SHALT NOT USE THINE I PHONE TO TAKE THY PROFILE PICTURE

 The first step to snapping your profile pic is choosing your equipment wisely, which means ditching your phone. Lenses on cell-phone cameras tend to be very wide—so if your face is too close, there could be some distortion. That’s why digital cameras are ideal.

 

III. THOU SHALT NOT BOAST ABOUT THINE ACCOMPLISHMENTS

 In a 2011 study on online dating profiles from Villanova University, one man’s profile that was rated attractive by evaluators stated the ability to make “a pretty mean cheesecake.” While unabashedly saying how wonderful you are is not the way to go, having and conveying self-esteem by sharing the things you genuinely enjoy is effective in appearing confident and happy with yourself, explains lead researcher Rebecca Brand, Ph.D., a professor at Villanova.

 

IV. THOU SHALT NOT EMBELLISH FACTS ABOUT THYSELF

 When you’re creating your profile, don’t exaggerate. “Allow your profile to reflect who you really are, not who you wish you were,” says Jackie Black, Ph.D., relationship expert, and author of Meeting Your Match: Cracking the Code to Successful Relationships. Similarly, be upfront about your likes and dislikes, she says. Sure, this will weed out some candidates—but it’ll save you time in the long run.

 

V. THOU SHALT NOT BE A TOTAL DRAG

 Need to fill out some more details? Flex your funny bone. In the Villanova study, profiles with humor—one guy specifically said that he liked to poke fun at people and expected the same in return—were deemed more attractive as they appeared more masculine. A sense of humor has also been proposed to indicate good genes—which, hello—is essentially what she’s looking for.

 

VI. REMEMBER THE COLOR RED, AND KEEP IT HOLY

 Back to the profile photo:  Catch her eye with red. The color, usually found on alpha males in the animal world, not only conveys power, but also evokes feelings of love. According to a study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, women are more attracted to dudes in red than any other color, finding them more attractive, powerful, and sexually desirable. Use a photo with a simple touch of red—a tie or a deep red button up under a blazer—to get her attention.

 

VII. THOU SHALT NOT WAIT AROUND ON THINE ASS

 Don’t wait for her to make the first move—the onus is on you to send that initial message. “Pick out a detail from her profile and explain why it caught your eye,” says Black. “This shows that you’re really interested and more importantly, it gives you something to bond over in future messages.”

 

VIII. THOU SHALT NOT DIVE INTO THE DEEP STUFF

 In a study at Capella University, online daters felt like they were seeing an old friend on their first date—but that familiarity can backfire, experts say. “Talking online could give you a false indication of how well you know your date,” says Black. Don’t be tricked into divulging too much information, she advises. “The more you disclose, the closer you become to the other person, which makes it easier to get hurt.” Be honest about your wants and interests but wait until you trust the person before diving into the deep stuff.

 

IX. THOU SHALT NOT GET WEIRD AFTER GETTING REJECTED

 If a woman doesn’t respond to your message, don’t take it personally. And, more importantly, don’t send her an angry, spite-filled, follow-up message demanding an explanation or apology, because you somehow feel she owes you one. She doesn’t. If she hasn’t responded at all to your first message, consider it a lost cause and find someone else to pursue.

 

X. THOU SHALT NOT KEEP THY PROFILE ONCE THOU ENTER EXCLUSIVITY

 Once things become official with her, don’t forget to delete your profile. And if your partner doesn’t, you should question her commitment, says Black. “The only reason to keep your profile active is if you’re still looking.” Besides, you can always reactivate it if it doesn’t work out.

 

by Andrew Daniels men's Health Magazine